Letting go of a destructive relationship. Letting go of an abusive partner. Letting go of a crappy job. Letting go of your need for control.
Why is it so hard?
I think it’s so hard because of our false belief that we are actually in control. Holding on makes it seem like it’s our decision. It’s our way of saying I can change this. I can help you. I can make it better. I can make you better.
The reality is, you can’t. Holding on only destroys you. You start to lose yourself. Lose your hopes. Lose your dreams and goals. You start to settle.
But if you stop helping, they’ll fall apart.
That may very well be true. But, if you continue, will they stay together? Will you have the life you really want?
It’s a scary thing to realize that you can’t control other people’s thoughts and actions. You can’t control how they feel or how they’ll react.
It’s scary, but it’s also liberating. Because once you really embrace the fact that the only person you are able to change is yourself, it will give you a sense of empowerment. A sense of courage and excitement. It will take the weight of everyone else’s life you are supporting off your shoulders.
Most of all, it will make you a better person.
Better inside. Better to be around. Better at caring for others, which sounds counteractive, but it’s true because you will know your limits as a caretaker. You’ll know when you need to step back and let other’s step in for themselves.
The more you try to control something, the more it controls you.